I don’t technically have a list called Things I Do That Hubby Would Never (Ever) Even Consider Doing.
But I could.
And it would be a long one.
Rather than seeing these lovely differences in our personalities as problems, I try to look at them as ways to understand myself better.
Here’s an example:
That’s my coffee cup from this morning. It’s 2:57 p.m. as I write.
We’re having work done on the house, so I decided to hide in my morning-coffee-and-Bible-Study hole to avoid the craziness.
FYI, I was working on stuff for the next book, but then this Moment of Self Awareness happened so I took a bit of a detour to write this post.
As I walked toward the New Spot for Writing, I passed Girl Scout Cookies. Boxes and boxes of Girl Scout Cookies.
Ugh.
I briefly considered tearing into one of the boxes, and then realized I’d likely eat the entire box and be out $4.
So I decided to save money, and perhaps a few calories. A very few.
I remembered I had Nilla wafers left from a recent impulse buy, and some lovely squirtable icing from a recent grammy-is-cleaning-out-her-pantry-after-Christmas incident.
Not one bit healthy, but I hoped a few wafers-with-squirtable-icing would satisfy my intense cookie craving.
When I went to squirt the squirtable icing, it seemed stuck. Like, dried into the tube maybe.
It needed a hard squirt.
But not wanting to make a mess, I didn’t want to risk it squirting everywhere. And obviously I didn’t want to actually eat the potentially dried-up part, so I couldn’t squirt it onto one of the precious few cookies I had to work with.
I do have standards.
So the perfectly logical solution was to squirt that first squirt of icing into my already dirty coffee cup that had been sitting in that spot for the previous eight hours.
The cup that would go into the dishwasher tonight anyway.
I actually have absolutely no idea why anyone wouldn’t do that.
It was right there. It was dirty anyway.
But Hubby wouldn’t.
And I can totally predict that if he were to pick up this very cup, he’d get “that” look on his face and ask in “that” voice why there was blue icing swirly-squirted in it.
And I’d explain.
And he’d nod “that” nod.
Raising “those” eyebrows.
Because he would never, ever squirt blue icing into a dirty coffee cup. My genius strategy for avoiding a mess while also avoiding walking over to the sink would never even occur to him.
And yet, it caused me great pride in my own amazing sugar-snack-sneaking abilities.
And both of us would be right.
There’s nothing wrong with squirting blue icing in a dirty coffee cup that’s going to be washed soon anyway.
And there’s nothing wrong with never considering squirting blue icing into a dirty coffee cup. (Or never considering squirting it on Nilla wafers, either.)
But maybe these default problem-solving-tendencies explain a little more about how we live our regular lives. With him being regular-guy-level messy and me being oh-my-word-how-does-she-let-it-get-this-bad messy.
I want something sweet. I want it now. I come up with a solution and act on it and eat my snack and never think of it again until I stick the coffee cup into the dishwasher later that day.
In this exact same situation (though he isn’t an icing squirter like me), Hubby would probably walk to the sink (grabbing the dirty coffee cup on his way) and squirt it there so he could immediately wash down the evidence mess. To him, that would be the best and most logical way to deal with this (totally first world) problem.
If he even stopped to think about such a thing, he’d decide it doesn’t save any measurable amount of time to squirt it into the coffee cup instead.
I, on the other hand, will measure that basically immeasurable amount of time and congratulate myself on saving it.
And then leave the coffee cup to sit for another few hours and confuse whomever glances inside of it.
Again, I don’t think either way is wrong or right.
But the way these “tendencies” play out in other ways is where I get into trouble.
I walk by a shelf and knock off a stack of papers with my too-wide-from-eating-nilla-wafers-with-squirtable-icing hiney.
I groan, and decide stopping right then would be inefficient. I was on my way somewhere. Somewhere important.
I’ll pick up those papers when I have time to spend picking up papers.
He knocks (hypothetically, since he’s not as clumsy as me) important papers to the ground and groans. He bends over and picks up the papers and puts them back. No inner monologue about efficiency goes through his head.
But in my scenario, a week later, I groan AND moan and generally gnash my teeth over the injustice that is that pile of super important papers that have now scattered across the room. That now require not just one bend, but multiple bends and multiple groans.
So what’s my point? While I’m still proud of my Icing in the Cup Idea, I’m determined to be more aware of my tendency to over-analyze efficiency to the point of being inefficient and causing slob problems.
And I’m noticing the beauty and lack-of-future-problems that come from someone just doing what needs to be done instead of analyzing every little thing until they make life harder than it needs to be.
P.S. I wrote this last week. Today, as I edit, I’m eating apple slices with peanut butter. Much healthier, and nothing to squirt.
--Nony
“I was working on stuff for the next book.” Stop teasing us, more details please!
At that point, it was the outline to get approval on the concept so I can get started!
I love you! You’re in my brain, but you put it into words that make it funny!
I buy raw natural almonds and roast in toaster oven let cool then grab Hershey kisses or break off chocolate bar and eat together! Or with caramel bites!
The “Next” book??? Now I’m gonna go all crazy trying to imagine what it is, and what it sez!!
You had me at the nilla wafers (now I’m waiting for the GS mom to get to work so I can score some Thin Mints) but lost me w/ the squirtable frosting….Now squirtable cheese on a Wheat Thin? That I can get behind.
What kind of work on the house? Something fun? Or something boring and responsible like a new roof?
This was way too funny. I am constantly looking into my sink trying to figure out what something is and who did it. Nobody ever owns up to anything in my house. There’s plenty of mystery to keep me in suspense.
I just discovered A Slob Comes Clean a few weeks ago when my local library featured your new book in its weekly newsletter. I decided to check it out since I’m always looking for new ideas on how to keep on top of my housework. I loved it so much , I bought my own copy to annotate. I especially love your podcasts, you’re inner voice and mine must be sisters.
I started my Slob Story when I was 17 and spent all day one Saturday cleaning my room, not helping my mom clean the house, JUST MY ROOM, ALL DAY! I decided then that if I could just put things away when I was done with them, put dirty clothes in the hamper, etc. I’d never have to spend another Saturday cleaning my room. In college, I had a 2 roommates, with one we never knew the color of the floor, with the other (now my sister-in-law) everything was always spotless. When I got married, I decided that if I could just contain his messes, I could keep my house under control. Now with 2 kids and 3 dogs, it’s all about damage control.
Until I found your book, I too thought that if I could just get my house clean and get the Other People to cooperate, I wouldn’t have to spend everyday cleaning house and instead get to all my projects that I love but feel guilty doing because the dishes are dirty.
I’ve been doing the dishes every night for 2 weeks. I love waking up in the morning and there are NO dishes in my sink. My second daily habit is actually the laundry, more about that later. With my dishes done and my daily load of laundry in the dryer, I actually have the time to sit down and write you.
Thank you for helping me realize that my housework will never be done and that’s OK. I am still working on my resentment and frustration, but at least now I feel like I can do other things without guilt because tonight… I’ll do the dishes.
Oh I love this so so much!!! And I’m so glad you found me!
I just remembered your “Special Dinner” for Valentine’s Day. I re-read the post and realized that I’d forgotten about the strawberry short-cake! The kids are going to love it on Tuesday!
Thanks Nony!
My GOSH, Nony! If I didn’t know better, I’d think you had hacked into my mind and were running my operating system in YOUR brain. And to top it off, I think you’re married to my husband.
Thanks for sharing your triumphs and shortfalls and process with us. ❤
Stifling snorts of laughter while DH and children sleep…… you understanding you helps me understand me! Thank you….
I so do that sort of thing….
I just love you. Since finding out about you from a friend, I’ve been listening to your podcasts and am so happy to find a person who actually understands this whole slob struggle. You speak my language and give me hope like no other “Slob” writers before. And you make such perfect sense. I get what you’re saying! Finding you has been a tremendous blessing. Keep up the helpful and good work!!
Squirting the icing into the cup was the only thing to do.
“That look,” “that nod,” “those eyebrows -” I pictured it all and got my laugh for the day! Thank you for all the practical and funny stuff you share!
Also, I love how you put the “confession” word, then cross it out and leave it there! then put the more neutral one, as in “evidence/mess”. Just adds to the humor, as I’m sure you know.